I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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