I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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