Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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