I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
