I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
