Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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