The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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