I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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