My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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