I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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