dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
