you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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