If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
