Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
