my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
