I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i out mim tonsoeep
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
