I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
