I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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