..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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