I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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