I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
