Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I party with great urgency now.
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