Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
