he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
