did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
