yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
