This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
