Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
