I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
