farters have to be the big spoon...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
