On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i wish my penis had a tongue
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
