I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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