she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
