No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize