You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You have to summon your inner elephant
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
