He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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