is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
