Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
even my farts smell like vagina
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
