Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
