I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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