If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize