I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
