EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
