Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
