Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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