No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
