I just made out with a guy for $7.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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