i may or may not be watching the land before time
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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