when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
