Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize