come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
