Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
