Jerry, you need to find god
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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