in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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