Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
