i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
