I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
