please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
