his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
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My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up