If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?