Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?