At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
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It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
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Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.