Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.