You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.