dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.