I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
